Divorce Diary – Day 10 Telling people.

So it’s now 9:30pm. England have won 6-1, the country seems happy and its baking hot. An I am in a good place for none of those reasons. The difference is I have took the step to tell people. It started at work last Thursday (It is Sunday now). I had slowly been getting my head around telling people. Rewind 2 weeks and I never opened up to anyone. Since then my world has turned upside down, I couldnt cope, and I was forced to talk. It started with someone in the office. A woman I have worked with for years, got on ok with and was in the right place and the right time when I hit bottom and reached out. It wasnt pretty, I wasnt in control and I blubbered away. There then followed a small group which I confided in. I opened up and they were fantastic. We messaged infrequently. Thankfully there had all seen divorce, knew how cruel it can be and saw exactly what I was going through and where I was. They became my support group and christ I needed it. I learnt very quickly that I could trust them. I cried to them, opened up to them, and was honest with them. I shared my life, emotions and feelings – all things which could be used to tear someone apart. But they didnt judge or react. They saw the broken man in front of them and wanted to help, and they did. They listened, advised and told me it would get better. I didnt believe or see it, but they were right.
That gave me the belief and confidence to tell everyone at work. I spoke to each person individually, with a lump in my throat and a tear in my eye. I wobbled but I didnt break. It is one step on the path.
A few days later I took the choice to tell a different group of friends I play sport with. This was complicated as both the kids are involved as was mum and I was already aware that telling my side of the story with people mum interacts with goes down like a lead baloon. I asked my eldest about it and he asked if I could tell mum which I did. This also had other consequences though which I didnt realise, I will get to that. So I told the blokes I played with.
Some knew, most didnt, all were shocked. Some offered help, advice and comfort, but they carried on. There was no drama. This helped me ask I was feeling awkward for how to say it, react and wonder if it was my fault. There was beer involved and I relaxed, got home and went to bed.
Small miracle! I woke up at ~ 730AM this morning, albeit with a hangover SLEEP!!! I grabbed a drink of water and lazed watching the news whilst playing on my phone.
I may even have drifted back to sleep. I then saw a message on my phone. It was someone from the club which I didnt see the night before. He had heard and was offering support and was a shock to him. He then said about the stuff on Facebook… Pardon ? was my repsonse.
What had transpired was that as I had asked mum if I could tell people at the club, she had took that as she was telling people too, via a Facebook relationship status saying new relationship with the new man, and then pics out with him the day before which my youngest was in (I was aware that he was going). Well that is opening up to everyone. I had tried to speak to people directly, clearly mum had a different approach. This has consequences though. I had tried to explain to thosew I spoke to that there are 2 sides to any story, but this was a press release, no detail boom. The problem is that people se it and make an instant judgement. Sides are taken and there is no description or explaination never mind an apology. This had an interesting response though. By now (the end of the day) several people have contacted me very clearly unhappy with what they have seen. More sympathy and support had been offered.
There isnt any right or wrong with all of this (that may be debateable at some point in the future) neither of us are perfect and squeaky clean in this. But she has lost some of the people that I think she probably had. I also have been supported by people making their own decisions and backing me. I can’t help but that it does make me happy.
I guess the bigger picture here is it’s easier to say nothing. The fear of being judged, the fear of opening up, the fear of admitting a mistake, the fear of doing something about it. Or maybe the fear of just plain talking.
I have very quickly realised none of these are healthy. I learnt the hard way, and thankfully the people I initally opened up to were fantastic.

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